Been A While

I am a snowflake.  I melt easily.  However, it was not Trump, who overheated me but Hillary. I was ready to give up blogging entirely if her kleptocracy came into full power. If that happened, I felt I should basically  live like mole.  She was not elected. All was not safe, but I am peaking out of my hole, and maybe will do what I think this blog can do. If you feel this way now that Trump won, I want YOU to know I understand that fear and concern.  I have felt it for the last eight years as what I cared about was degraded and disrespected more and more, so that wearing a cross or a miraculous medal to a public pool or even to a grocery store became a controversial situation.  I have been looked up and down, and sneered at and snorted at by an imam who was in my grocery store to wave his hand over the on sale chicken. (I have no understanding of what he accomplished or disrespect for his prayers.  I do resent being snorted at for possibly my obvious medal. )  But still just being who I am bugs some people.  As fat woman, I know that. As a tall woman, desperately trying to be a normal size, I even knew it.   Now please don’t hate me just because I was one of the about 50 percent in the country who did not vote for Hillary.  She scared me.  I am sorry if you are scared of Trump.  Do not be scared of the rest of the people in this country.   We all want a good country.  We all hope for a good country. We will all watch him, and the rest of the federal government like a hawk.  We must.  We Should.  We will.

I NEED to blog now and blog about my need to survive and thrive despite weighing in at a weight other people would not believe.  Somehow I allowed the anxiety of my concern for the future to block my perception of what was happening with my eating. I gained a lot of weight since I quit writing, which for me is a medical problem.  Getting healthy will require attention, and writing will help it.  It will also require me to stay sane and hopeful in this world slanted against large sized people. Why do we battle people for things that are quite difficult to change, like the religion they were born in, or the obvious issues with obesity they suffer, or even worse, the length and width of the DNA dictated Bone Structure they have.  (You will be okay if you only would lose twenty pounds they told my younger, undernourished to the point of hormonal irregularity self.)  I hope this NEED of mine to write, will help others with their own battles. And I hope it will help me find clothes that fit and chairs that work with my knees.

Honorah Mellarick 2017